My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
