they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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