so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
