my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
