At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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