So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
