The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
