It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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