ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
