Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
