I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
