Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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