I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
