What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
