as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
