I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
