So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
