Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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