So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
