dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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