she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
