There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
