i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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