can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
