last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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