I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
