Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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