remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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