Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
babies were throwing up all over the place
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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