walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
