Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
