I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
