it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
