Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
