I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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