Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
