Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
