Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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