Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
