whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
