all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
