apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
