His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
