Don't make out with my wife yet
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
