I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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