just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
