I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
