Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
