The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
