I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
